To love, and to be loved

I was so happy to see my dad’s Avanza at Tekun girls’ block entrance, waiting to fetch me home for the mid-term break. It has been a week after I met into the car accident, which I still feel the bruise ,swelling and pain in my leg. I have been longing to be home.

Nevertheless , I didn’t expect  a “sit down and relax” week at home, because I’ve made a promise with my mom earlier, i.e  to take care of my 10-year- old cousin brother when they’re away from home. My parents planned a trip to Bangkok for themselves months ago, and  they discussed it again with me after the accident, finally we have came to the decision that they should go on with their plan, since I can still walk and take care of myself, and the little cousin too.

I packed the luggage for dad and mom on Sunday morning. They arranged the traditional Chinese medical doctor to visit me in the house once in a two days. And so they went on for one week of vacation.

You may wonder why I need to take care of my little cousin brother. Xuan, my little cousin has been staying with my family since he was a 5-month-old baby. His dad passed away when he was only 6 years old and so it changed the family’s plan for him to stay with us up to pre-school age only. My young aunt became single parent ever since and so my mom decided to take up the burden to take care of him.

I have never really taken the full responsibility to be the “babysitter”. But after 3 years away from home, I always want to spend some precious time with him. In fact, I used to talk to him rudely and even screamed at him for being rebellious. This time, I think it is a good chance for me to learn to stay harmony with him, and to “educate” him, perhaps.

The day after papa and mama left home, the big brother went for a medical check-up in the hospital. He coughed badly for the past few weeks, and  his body became quite weak.  The diagnosis came out that he has some bacteria in the lung and so he has to stay in the hospital for a few days. It was so gloomy. I talked to the big brother ,almost in tears“ Why must you stay in the hospital? Why now?Why do you leave me alone in home with Xuan?”

“ You always want to be relax and enjoy at home. But now it’s the time, we need your help, can you do it? Take good care of Xuan. Don’t worry about me.”He gave me an affirmation stare. So he admitted himself to the hospital.

I kept to the promise. I woke up early in the morning to send the little cousin to school ( and so I have no choice but to overcome my fear to get on to the motorbike again ). I cooked good meals for him( I will never enter the kitchen when mama is home). And I tried to hide the truth that the big brother staying in hospital when papa phoned home. I don’t want to see they have a miserable trip.

That night, it was almost 11pm and Xuan has fallen asleep, I suddenly felt so lonely. I started missing papa and mama. I was so worried about big brother too. And the injured leg was hurting me too. It was quite ridiculous, as I always think myself tougher than this.

So I opened Proverbs  3 and let God’s word speaks to me.

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you, bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.”

I spent an hour to meditate on Psalm 3 and I prayed. I remembered when I was a kid, I used to weep when papa and mama are away from home, even the big brothers failed to comfort me. And now, none of them is around .But I’m found by my Shepherd. It’s God himself that comforted me.

I grown up. I need to be independent.

The Lord was not in the wind. The Lord was not in the earthquake. The Lord was not in the fire. But He came in a gentle whisper. [ 1 King 11-13]

It's so easily for us to rely and wanting someone to encourage us rather than heading to God. But deep inside our heart , we already know the answer ,that we need to rely on Jesus rather having people comforting us.

After 3 years of up’s-and-down’s christian’s life in USM, God has never forsaken me.

Looking at Xuan’s peaceful face in his slumber, I suddenly understand. Perhaps I always think that it’s my role to take care of him, but in fact he is the one that keep me accompanied for the whole week. Taking up the responsibility to jaga him kept me so much alive and my mind was so occupied to be emotional.

The next night I decided to read him some bedtime stories. At first I thought it would be quite hard for him to listen to Enid Blyton’s stories (as he is so obsessed with Ipad,Facebook etc even at his age).But he loves them. He urged me to read him Naughty Amelia Jane every night before he goes to bed. I haven’t been so close with him this few years. We shared the same pillow and  we laughed at Amelia Jane.

Xuan can sleep with lights on . And my injured leg  gave me problem to have good sleep at nights, so I laid it on the little stool and stayed up late memorizing the Japanese vocabulary. The whole night I looked at his body turning clockwise in his sleep, and it puts smile on my face.

I’m in loved, so I can love him more.

The next few days my big brother discharged from the ward and the good new is the bacteria in his lung can be cured by medicine. And papa mama also came home safely from the vacation. But it was time for me to leave home again.

Now, I guess I know why papa and  mama never say no to me when I request a work& travel holiday in New Zealand on my own after the graduation. Because my God is there for me.