冲上云霄！！Triumph in the sky

老爸，老妈，我冲上云霄了！感觉好爽啊！！

本小姐我花了一个月半的时间在包装厂和成千上万的樱桃大军搏斗，还被无数个快速闪过的蓝莓弄得我天旋地转、头昏脑涨，然后还要和Apricot耍小把戏，最后还要狂刷五千只桶、上百个垃圾桶，甚至跪着擦地板才有今天的壮举啊！哈哈哈!!!

这是我们的帅气机师Dan

与Mt.Cook 遥遥相望

层层山峦，白雪铺顶，美不胜收。

云的影子

穿越雪山，冲破云层，自由飞翔，当赞叹峦峦宏伟山脉之际，弯曲盘踞的冰川河又惊现脚下，目不暇接，此起彼伏 ...

终于得见Mt.Aspiring的庐山真面目, 纽西兰第二高山。

绕着Mt.Aspiring飞行

即将送给家人的明信片=）

水静如明镜

旅伴Lidya的侧影。
心再坚强也无法独自飞翔，况且我没有很坚强，嘻嘻。（其实是一起飞可以省下一半的钱...）

这一次，辛苦工作赚钱坚持了这么久才再次出游，让我想起了这首歌。

《冲上云霄》

燃亮我意志　鼓起我勇气

前面去再创传奇 

从没有计较　是否好天气 

下决心再要逆风飞 

又再有勇气　愿趁风再起 

万里飞佳绩胜预期 

未怕雪再冷 只想高高飞 

共挽手一起再冲刺 

光阴不会往后退　应抛开伤心抑怨 

愿我会拭干眼中泪 

天空海阔我共你　再领略人生的美 

云外看　新生趣 

不管多艰辛　只需有志气 

让我冲冲冲直上云霄去 

前路有进退　心中有预备 

求做到　能做到　是进取 

光阴不会往后退　应抛开伤心忆记 

愿再试高飞的滋味 

天空海阔我共你　再领略人生的美 

云外看　新生趣 

当天气不似预期

一跳上车，大哥就问：“怎么今天就跑回来了？”

“天气不似预期，但要走。。。” 我唱道。

首先，很感恩的是在紧急关头的时候联络上了悦，让她送我到码头，顺利赶上了晚上8时30分的巴士回家。回到家有妈特意给我弄热的汤和饭菜。接着我就迫不及待为早已在周五抵达家的快递邮包拆封，还有悦从日本富士山给我寄来的明信片。

回想起这个差点把我弄得灰头土脸的一天，现在可以平安回到家，就觉得格外的幸福。

今天一早起床，赶紧把那很好吃的Thosai 往嘴里塞后就赶往泳池里。9点钟，刚抵步就被在外等待的Maisara 母亲告知泳池被关闭，探问之下原来是泳池临时接到通知今天有一赛事，必须关闭作last-minute的准备。这也意味我们的游泳课也被迫取消。由于是我事前也没有收到任何通知而让这位家长扑个空，我感到非常的不好意思。而Pak cik Lifeguard 也无法保证说下午的session会不会重新开放, 所以下午的课还是个未知数。

由于课被取消了，我只好提早出发到Alpine Tower去，呆呆的等了20分钟才开始10点的课。谁知，天有不测之风云，才教了20分钟，天空就乌云密布，还刮起大风，不久就下起倾盆大雨来。这一堂课也只好被迫暂停及延期。

后来，雨一直下个不停，持续到11点30分，所以接下来的那堂课只好改成4点钟进行，也是今天唯一落实的班。

五点钟，再次赶往大学泳池，铁门深锁着，没有半个人影。这次连通告也贴上了。“Today pool is closed.”

好吧，既然是这样，本小姐也没有兴致再呆在这里到明天了。于是我就把摩托车一路开到巴士车站去买车票，打算漏夜赶回家去，事就这样成了。

虽然说这是一份看天行事的工作，不过也许这么久以来都太顺利了，我还是头一次碰到这么“倒霉”的一天。只能说，天有不测之风云吧，呵呵。

不过话说回来，我就这样得以早点打开我的邮包了，所以也不算太坏 =）

顶上的那本就是寄到我家门口的“邮包”。

这阵子这样两地跑的，我竟然手痒痒“不知不觉”买了4本新书。我已经好久好久没有“买书瘾”了，一来打工赚回来的钱都投资在旅费上，二来实在是难找回慢慢读完一本书的耐心。所以，这段“过渡期”算是让我把“耐心”给找回来了吧？

除了《战地情书》的作者以外，另外三位作者对我而言都是新的尝试。不过共同点就是：女作家！我可不是“女权主义”，不过她们的书都有值得我学习的地方，所以我都买下来慢慢读。

那本《中亚，听见边境的心跳》背后有个“不可思议”的故事，话说那天我在报章上看到关于它的介绍后，心想可以去逛逛书展顺便翻一翻这本书才决定要不要买，结果找了半天都不见它的踪影。这就挑起了我“不到黄河心不死”的决心，我一定要找到书，握在手中才罢休。后来经过一天的四处奔波，我才发现Popular，MPH 和 Borders 都没有办法买到这本书（所以说我几乎是找遍了槟岛上的书局）。这下可好了，最后的希望只剩下Kinokuniya 。经网上搜索他们家有这本书的存货后，我不假思索就马上下订单了。坦白说，Kinokuniya的服务效率真的很高，他们果然在第三天就把书送到我家门口（虽然书价有点贵...), 比起我那天的驱车劳动，这真的是得来不费吹灰之力。

我还没有开始细读这本书，不过单单翻着就觉得这是一本值得一读的好书，封面的设计很有创意，摄影也是一流（我猜我会带着它去纽西兰）。

这星期除了参加了一堂在GTWHI.举办题为“The Northam Road Protestant Cemetery ”的讲座，还免费参观了在Armenian Street的孙中山纪念馆。这就得感激最近在那里帮忙搞设计的雯坚，由于当时已经过了纪念馆的参观时间，所以负责人也很爽朗地不收我的入门费。她还带我到楼上去参观她的寝室。我真的太羡慕她了，因为一直以来我就希望可以体验住进槟岛世遗老房子的滋味。不过她说晚上蚊子特别多。

然后，我还发现了这套精美的明信片，我立即很兴奋地告诉她我要买。

看来我对老房子，尤其是窗子的情意结还真的是不浅。

反正，这周有趣的事还真不少，收获也不错。我觉得有句话说得很对。

活得不快乐，本质上源于自己的无能。一个人，应该有力量，将自己从一切沉重的、老旧的、无精打采的事物里拔出来，用不断的尝试、变通改变自己的境遇。生命不会给人任何一种它自己医不好的创伤。

也许现在把这番话套用在我身上就夸张了一些，毕竟我现在的处境还是良好的，舒适的。不过我在这段日子确实体验了一件事，就是环境也许不会迁就我们，不过心态要好，这样就不会轻易受到打击，我们每天都有责任去发掘那些让自己快乐的事。

从世上最高邮局寄来的明信片，这朋友真的是不赖。哈哈

Wrapped up

I'll never feel regret of loving someone even though it is just about giving and not receiving. Worth it or not, it is not supposed to be questioned. Instead of seeking the right person, I learned to be the right person. I'm so glad that I've loved a person who caused me to be a better person. Loving him helped me to practise the unconditional love. It is not about self-seeking. Now I've done all I can.

-copied from Maydeline Kong, 2013-

Just hold on for a little bit more!!!

Woke up at 7am, can hardly open my eyes. Damn sleepy while waiting for En.Roslan, feeling worse after I get into the car. Tried to stay alert and pray hard throughout the journey, just another 2 more hours, I can do it. All the way to Seberang Jaya.

Was not doing well until I jumped into the pool, every single cell of my body WIDE AWAKE. Felt so refreshed in the cool water. It feels the same everytime to be back in the water again =).

Today I got to demonstrate some lifesaving skills to the PBA group, an all-male group. Just some simple skills but they are so interested. Felt grateful of what have I learnt, saving lives becomes our common purpose. Sometimes I can get too numb with the purpose of doing lifesaving but instead we focused so much on timing and the skills itself.

Talked to one of the guy with Mat Salleh look ( forgot to ask his name), he is so humble. He saved two lives before but yet he still keep the passion to learn proper lifesaving skills. So happy that I can make some new friends here.

Back in USM, gonna study now, for my last paper in Chemistry. Yea, this is the last.

Yay!! Life is tough, but I'm tougher. Aza aza fighting!!!!

 (Feel so Zzzz now )

That SURPRISE!!!

4.43 pm I received the message from her, "Where are you?? Tekun? "

I replied "Yea, Why? But I'm leaving in 5 min. Gotta go swimming pool "

"Okay nvm "

 10 mins ++ after I lengah-lengah a bit and stuck in the traffic jam, I finally arrived at the pool. When I was about to take my helmet off, this girl popped out from nowhere with *Jeng jeng jeng* a cup of Mcd Sundae holding in her hand. Aiyor!!!!!!!!!! I AM so touched. Jojo, why you so sweeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttt?

She has been "ambushing" here since 10 mins ago after I texted her, to throw this surprise at me !!! T.T
I really wanna cry ady. * Tears of joy *

Actually I knew she want to tapao something for me when she texted me, and i thought she would just give up when I told her I'm leaving my room. I REALLY  didn't expect her "stalking" me outside the swimming pool!

" The ice-cream is melting."

I know, my heart is melting too.

I was actually late and my student was waiting for me. But I must have a few scoops of this cup that filled up with LOVE . I quickly scooped and let the melted sundae spread in my mouth. Gosh!!! this is the best Sundae that I ever tasted., seriously.

I left half of the cup for her because she didn't get another cup for herself.

Jojo, I really can't express my gratitude with words. You are the true friend that go extra miles for me, and you made my day.

Your little action that speaks a lot about our friendship. Why you so kind, sista?

I'm going to keep you for a lifetime, Jo. I really thank God for the journey with you along.

Your love make my cup overflows.

"we picture lovers face to face, but friends side by side; their eyes look ahead." C.S. Lewis. 

I know how it was look like, but it's heart that matters=)

Preparation for Kyrgzstan

Whoah...finally i'm able to type out the country's name without referring to Google and the links.

Yay!! 20 more days to go and I'll be flying to the Eden of Nomad.

A few important items are on my checklist and I still don't have time to do my shopping.

Large backpack, small backpack, sneakers, khakis...

This gonna be my first ever backpacking trip and everything on the checklist are pretty new to me, and of course i'm EXCITED even with the process of learning to pick a cheap and good backpack, and i'm going to invest on a pair of good quality shoes.

One more thing...i'm gonna learn some Russian too!!! (gosh, i listened to a few times of the recording clips and the pronunciation is like...okay, i would say that it is one of the most difficult language for me), i will try my best to grasp some vocabs and simple conversation after final exam.

I'm trying to make myself doing exercise almost EVERYDAY now. It is so happened that my students requested for extra lessons these few days, it somehow draw me to the pool and SWIM after the lessons.

1 km or 2 km doesn't matter, yang pentingya i need to maintain the stamina, so that i can adapt better in a different climate. And i'm glad to realise that my stamina is kinda on the peak level (perasan betul). i did 50 m sprinting with Jacky Zai and turned out my record - 41 sec!!!!  i can't believe that i can still make this after MASUM, it was the best record of my swimming experiences. Anyway, i guess swimming is not helpful enough, I need to have some on-land workouts after I do the shopping for my new Adidas ( can't wait!)

I guess I need to control my weight too (though it's not stated in the guide book), but I think it become harder for me to breath ( even walking up staircase) everytime when i put on weight. So here I go --> healthy meal. I take muesli with milk at least for one meal in a day. I cut down rice and heavy meals (i know they are tempting especially when I come back from swimming). I don't find it hard to go for muesli because i'm indulged with the RAISIN, it becomes my motivation to keep it up. haha, i know too much consumption of it can be fattening too. ( check my tummy everyday, it's still flat! hehe )

Alright, this is going to be part of my journey to Kyrgzstan too. *heart beating fast* i'm really looking forward to see myself standing on the Prairie, and to encounter God.

 my breakfast/ lunch /dinner.

The mermaid's diary

I made it. 5 hours of swimming lesson in a day. Sipeh exhausted. Highest record of income. Part time job in uni life. My choice. Gonna be part of my memory too. Weather so hot. Sunburnt. Still make it through. Salute to myself. Most importantly, regain my passion. It was once lost, super impatient to the kids. Now enjoy every moment of it. Love them. Naughty or slow. Will miss traveling on my bike under the hot sun. Will miss soaking in the water for hours. Will definitely miss how I transform the dont-know-it-at-all kids to swim like fishes. And see them enjoy the water. Will miss my tanned skin. Enjoy every last bit of being a swimming instructor.

如果，我再也不需要爱得那么用力...

給自己的承諾

什麼時候你的世界開始變得那麼狹窄？

你夢想已久的旅程在前方等著你，為什麼你裹足不前？為什麼你的腳步越來越不輕盈？

你已經痛快地愛過了, 这就是你要的-不留遗憾。

现在，请你不要再停留。不要再猶豫，時間到，就背上你的背包去流浪。

在那裡才有最漂亮的風景。

I surrender

I thought it would be the answer that makes thing clearer. But now, at least for this moment, it make no more sense to me.

My life has been a MESS since 2 months ago.

 i just can't wait to put an end on it.

Has been disappointed so many times with my own expectation.

yes,i failed to keep on to the promise, because i'm so emotion-being.

because the love i can offer is so conditioned.

i can't find any reason to keep it on.

i need to move forward.

you used to say that you don't want to mislead me.

but you never knew that holding back itself is so hurting.

thanks for everything you have done for me, i shall  hope for no more.

I'd surrender everything,

to feel the chance, to live again.

无题

原来无条件去爱一个人是不可能做到的。

说好了不要有期待，所以也不会失望。

我做不到。

在我最难受的时候，你都不在。

我跌倒了又再重新振作，也许我真的不需要你。

可是有一天当我累了，放手了。请纪念我曾经对你的好。

Cognition of LOVE

#Part 1#
What is about a Sunday morning? Maybe laying on the bed ,enjoying the nice room temperature and sing the "Don't want to do anything "song. But it's not for me. The fact is, I spent an hour under the hot sun, to see a little girl demonstrate how stubborn a human can be.

She kept crying over some simple tasks that i told her to perform, and she can't stop "warning" me not to touch her legs (nor hold them). By doing all this actually hinder her from learning the proper swimming skills. And frankly, she is wasting OUR time. Her mom paid rm40 for THIS hour to see her learning something, but she did not, not for now nor the previous lessons .

I can feel the sunlight burning my skin, on the back of my neck and on my shoulder. I feel so helpless to handle this "screaming baby". How I hope to end this lesson as fast as possible, at least to save my burning skin.

I just cannot tahan with myself. If I would have more wisdom and love for her, or some sense of humour would help,maybe?

Well, this is not merely an hour of doing "part-time job", after all it is more like a life time lesson. The mom paid it with cash, and for me, the sunburnt skin paid it off.

Do you see the stubborn-ness of yours stopping you from achieving the goal that set ahead for you? Do you see the price that paid  to correct you, and to see chance in you?

I was so touched to see the way of her sister loving her. she thinks of all kind of  methods to guide her, and to encourage her. It is so gentle and so soft, unlike the mind of a human that hope to finish the lesson earlier and end this crazy moment. Well, it is always nice to have a sister.

I really wish that she can remember the moment that the "umi" and the sister loving her, and one day when she grow up, knowing the fact love brought her up and shape her life.

I hope for the best to see changes in this little girl, and in me, for the cognition of love.

P.S: I seldom talk about my part-time job.it's nothing to boast about the money, but knowing that God always come into picture make it all different. =)

#Part 2#

For the whole day I felt so kesian for myself, for the outcome of the efforts which is unseen,or unappreciated.Well, I know it best, the brain start processing things in a  pessimistic way when the heart thought that it's getting tired. ( Was rushing for 3 swimming lessons in a row since 4 pm, trying hard to make it all on time but the parents who have no sense of punctuality almost broke the chain of the tight schedule down, and I must make sure everything of a birthday celebration is alright beforehand, kinda crazy but yet this make me feel so much alive!!!)

I can't even enjoy the food when I finally settle down. The happiness of the people around didn't fill me up, i was so exhausted until I finally reach my room and read this.

12:01am

SzeJie Ngoo

make sure your sun burn recover before swimathon!

eh really black lo

did u see mirror?

Ah Jie you are so lovely (and farney enough!) and you made my day!

You are the one that cares for me and you have been the support  for the days along. I just could not express the gratitude deep in my heart.

And this is the thought for the beginning of this journey.

I always think that leaving the place and people that I'm familiar with is the best way to see things better,that's why i want to go New Zealand. But yet I'm grateful with another decision that i've made ,that is to be really serving the CG. It makes me feel so much alive.Though it might be weary at times,but i would definitely miss it a lot when I leave Malaysia. I'm thankful that Sze Jie was chosen as the ACGL, she is the one who really care, indeed, I thank God for her presence in this season of my life.


And last but not least, You are the reason that  I serve.

I love you, GCB the burgerss!!!!

没有比你们更爱我的人

今日名言：我找不到比我爸和我哥更爱我的男生，所以我认为毕业以前我是不会想谈恋爱了。

为何口出此言呢？今天再次和朋友提起我的NZ打工旅行，全靠那“怕我吞掉家产”的爸爸在金钱上的支持。他总是说，自从我申请出国成功后我的一个微笑足以让他“毛骨悚然”，因为准是开口要$$。

我想说，人有梦想是好的。而如果你的梦想就是可以去流浪，而你的家人又在精神上和金钱上支持你，你是很受祝福的孩子。毕竟，多美丽的梦，还是要资金去编织的。

我很感恩我有这么个陪女儿一起疯的老爸。还没毕业出来正式找工作养家就算了（虽然我总是口口声声辩护自己说我有很努力教游泳来赚外快），还要和家里讨好几K令吉去旅行，没错，去打工旅行（再次答应我再那里会好好工作省钱）。他看似无可奈何为何生出这样的女儿，可是那天他还是准时到银行过账给我，连信用卡也借我用。

“原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由，也会怕有一天会跌倒..."这首歌就是我目前的主打歌，我已经为我离开大学后的生活策划好了。我太害怕再次为我的人生作重大决定，我不想选择一份我不爱的工作，我不甘屈服于现实世界的安排，所以我奔向了心中的呼唤，一逃就逃到纽西兰去。

大学最后一个学期：珍惜身边的人和事。这也让我毫不犹疑放弃了好几次赚旅费的机会。这点我是毫无怨言的，不过看来我和一开始原定的每月1K的目标越离越远了。

我不应该忧虑太多的，能赚回多少就多少。如果拼命赚钱错过了美好的大学回忆那才是钱找不会来的。这个学期的节目还真是多姿多彩的，大家都嗅到的那个把握大学就快结束而争取时间在一起的味道。

我祈祷，爸爸和哥哥和妈妈一定都要过得好好的，因为我将要离开家半年，我要他们收到我寄回家的明信片时开心的表情，然后等我回来时兑现我的诺言，我会好好找一份工作养活自己的，然后还要去很多很多地方继续追寻我的梦。

重游姓周桥。元宵夜。思远方。

我一直很庆幸我今晚决定不带单反相机出门去元宵节开放门户的决定，直到我们从旧关仔角回家经过姓氏桥的路上，我看见了那两排红彤彤的灯笼，我后悔了...

说到开放门户嘛，是有免费美食啦，不过全场是没什么亮点，好像少了什么似的，（还让我苦等了整晚都看不成高桩舞狮表演。）不过还好是和两位LG的好姐妹难得在这学期忙得不可开交之前的出游，所以算是大学最后一学期一个不错的回忆。

悦看我在车上那样兴奋的喊美，竟然也毅然的要调回头去看看。她还坚持要到姓周桥去走走（虽然我很肯定的告诉她，红彤彤灯笼不在那里）。我们漫步走进这海上人家最出名的一条桥，奇怪的，我心里竟然莫名的踏实。夜晚的姓周桥，竟然和白天被前来看壁画而挤个水泄不通的情景很不一样，她也在安静地休息在凉风习习的夜。很庆幸，这元宵节的夜，也不见得有很多游客的踪迹，只有居民三三两两的坐在门前相聚聊天，或坐在家门前乘凉。节庆的灯饰在屋檐里闪呀闪的，却少了刚才在人群里的喧哗，只有邻座桥传来的烟花轰轰声。

我们都在想，找一个晚上坐在桥架边吹吹海风聊天、听海那该有多好呢。

我们来到了上次家人来旅行时拍全家幅的那个位置，我想起了那天带着大家逛了半天，结果大家还是最喜欢这里。然后，我还回忆起大一的时候，和悦结伴搭公车去参观娘惹家，过后还顺便来到的这里走走，还受到《初恋红豆冰》拍摄场面住户的安娣友善的招待，邀请我们走进她屋里去参观。霎那间，很多美好的回忆涌在脑海，海风打在我脸上，好舒服。多么美好的夜晚。

后来，Suzanna发现了一件内部装潢得典雅的房子，原来是民宿。我灵机一动，小学的童鞋们不是在办旅行吗？直接带他们住在这里多好啊！可以体验当一晚海上人家的滋味，而且还有BBQ配套之类的。

然后我们就摸到了两排整齐的红彤彤灯笼那里，两排整齐规划的板屋一路延伸到海面-姓李桥，那烟花绽放的那一刻，配上这个画面，实在是美极了，只可惜相机没有随行。我一直很努力地把这个画面刻画在我脑海里。也许我错过了把这一幕以照片记录起来，不过我已经把她“拍”在记忆里。

我本来都已经打算好了，明年的农历新年会在NZ过，只是我从来无法预知，我的乡愁有多深，第一次离开家的春节会是怎样。想到这里，我再次提醒自己，把握大学仅剩的时光，抓住它的尾巴，去收集这一生都难忘的回忆。

很感恩，本来很懊恼这学期活动这么多，到时必须常取消游泳班，旅费到底要怎么赚回来。现在，我随遇而安，因为有些事错过了就不会重来。我会好好用我的600D去记载我的大学生活和朋友。

望着那又大又圆的月亮，心里不再惦记那放不下的人和事，而是我的远方。2013，我期待着。

我不要恋爱，我要去旅行

喜不喜欢，合不合适，能不能在一起，是三件不同的事。~转载自《实用心理学》

三句话，却是那么的精准。我又想发表一些言论了。

当谈恋爱已经不是小时候想的那么简单...

没错，新年快到了，又是被拷问“目前Status”的时候。我现在已经可以想象他们脑海中有预先答案的画面，然后听见从我口中说出“没有”后那个表情，然后念念几句“steoreotype”的对白。（其实，还没到家，那天就已经被Ore母亲念了一下，“都已经三年了，条件不要放这么高，不然就更难找了。”）

其实如果我坦白说，到现在没有人追求过我/跟我表白呢？你还会怎么说呢？

我不知道我是否准备好应付这一连串的“唇枪舌战”。没事，顶多也只是那几天而已，最重要是我自己怎么看。不过，比起一年前的我，我比较不着急了。关于恋爱这回事，三年生活在外，我也慢慢开始懂了。

不过，我相信，在我遇到“真爱”前，所有经历过的事都是一种磨练。我始终认为，在我生命中，狠狠被敲醒一次才是快速成长的时候。说到这里，这学期我有三个小故事。

学期初的时候，T跟我“表白”了，我带着质疑，可是也抱着希望，直到最后我验证了这是他跟我开的玩笑。我心痛，不只是因为伤害我，而是再一次意识到，当一个女孩开始抱着期待的时候，就是开始准备要带着失望离开的时候。“没有扎根的感情”，能不能潇洒离开，乃是开始把目光放到在乎你/你在乎的人的身上。我还有神，还有PKA的弟兄姐妹，为何我要在房里痛哭自怜？现在又不是什么大不了！

                 

我不会忘记，那天那个勇敢的自己。我和他那个不愉快对话的下午。我制止着我的眼泪。“不要留在室内，出去透透气，和大家在一起”我听见我心里的声音。就在那一刹那，我下定决心，穿球鞋，出门，去草场打Captain Ball。这是一个明智的决定，离开了泳池，绿茵是另一个小天地。我还认识了好几位Junior新朋友。（按：很遗憾，后来我都没有机会去打球了，唉）过后晚上还和朋友去提灯笼。两个星期--我给自己的期限，走出这个阴影。我也做到了。不过宽恕T确实好几个月后的事。我总是在这件事后故意避开和他接触的眼神。看到他，我心里隐隐作痛。逃避，直到我意识到我也需要解脱。那个在湖边痛哭、亲近主的午后，我和他在泳池遇上了，我正视了他的眼神，我的嘴角微微上扬，算不上微笑，不过这位弟兄，我决定要宽恕你。其实仔细想想，他太嫩了，思维不够成熟。那是...感觉又在作怪咯。我很感激他在Lifesaving Competition期间最压抑的时候他对我的好，不断逗我笑。可是事实是我想太多了，所以才会陷入这个“无意的玩笑”，无法自拔。差点忘了，当你把男生身上那六块腹肌诠释为“安全感”，你就注定大错特错。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

和这位弟兄熟起来，因为几次不经意的“邂逅”，分享不为人知的故事，成为一种“乐趣”。渐渐地，我忘了这个“好朋友不是无所不谈，而是彼此的默契”不变的道理。话多就是好朋友--这是我犯的第二个错误。不过，弟兄，我感恩在这个缺乏榜样的环境，你有尽你的努力，扮演好你的角色，和你合作很愉快。失望，当我意识原来你不是我脆弱时的答案，原来到最后我自己还是必须回到天父的怀抱。当我意识现在是要为感觉而“冲动冒然”交待的年岁，当我意识我也要压制我自己跨过那条线的时候。没错，是你设下那道无形的线保护了我。“当你无法给对方承诺时，盲目跟从情绪的推动是不负责任的事。”这是你教会我的。其实，在我想通之时，就是当别人都受到你的手信而没有我的份的时候。原来我没有那么重要。我把我最爱的巧克力送你，而你竟然没有顾念我。原来心意就是那么一回事。没事，不抱”额外“期望的时候，你还是一位好弟兄。我们还有更重要的任务要一起完成，只希望你会一直都在。

那天和SJ散步，聊到我们PKA弟兄榜样越来越少的可悲现象（感谢主，第一年生终于崛起了几位比较可靠的新生代）。还聊到我们这Batch的姐妹几乎都是单身的“怪现象”。说到这个，我要强调她们可都不是“剩女”哦。她们个个都很有特色，是有素质的女性。坦白说，我很遗憾，如果不是救生的事儿把握的大学生活弄得那么不空闲，我多希望我从大一就和她们熟络起来。（虽然语言和背景是我认为的Barrier）。话说回来，从她们身上也许我可以看见主的Big picture？看啊，我的姐妹们也是耐心等候啊！当没有弟兄带领我们的时候，姐妹们是多么刚强。对我而言，我们这Batch，根本就是Girl's power！

好难得这张照片集合了女侠们，却多了一位。。。？哈哈

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

从没想过Study Week是我这学期最大的难关。我整个学期都漫不经心”无心向学",就是我认定Study Week我会发奋图强。偏偏我算漏了一个Bronze Med 2nd Test。这位男孩，让我把心思和情绪都“孤注一掷”在他身上，（过后我还一度疑惑我对他的感觉，我的天！！！）当一切结束以后我决要念书时，我才发现我犯上了“Severe Withdrawal Sydrome"，我最害怕这种状况发生在我身上，就是当一种我习惯的生活结束了，大家都说再见的时候，只有我停在原地无法前进。这种时刻，仿佛所有对前方的希望都被抽空，只想回到过去熟悉的人和事。

2号...3号...考试一天一天逼近了，我的魂魄还是回不来，对着笔记一整天思绪却魂游四海。看见室友比平常更努力我更着急了，在这样下去我真的会Fail掉KFT 331和KTT313的！！！开什么玩笑？这个时候我还拿自己大学最后一年来冒险？？？我可能会留级重考的，到时谁可怜我啊？2013新一年就那么没有方向感，我真是受不了！！！

通常这种非常时刻你想到家人就对了（这说明你的人生还是有依靠的）。是的，我哭着打电话回家了。我哭述我的恐惧（重考的危机）还有无法专心念书的压迫感。都说了家是你的避风港，妈妈一接到我的就说我是傻孩子，不断安抚我的情绪。大哥更滑稽，他建议我带小抄进考场作弊，弄得我破涕为笑。第二天，妈妈灵机一动，打电话过来吩咐我去买半打鸡精，起初我也是敷衍她，后来我决定照她的话去做。我承认我不”迷信“补品的。可是这鸡精在我身上发生奇妙的”化学反应“，我的集中力回来了！我看见希望了！！！不过1月7号到18号这段日子也很难熬，尤其是化学三年的科也真的不容易念。我知道这是一个磨练的过程，我也为自己再次勇敢面对感到骄傲。不过我也再次意识到一个事实：No one is coming。生命中的决定、难题，虽然家人可以支持你，鼓励你，可是最终还是你一个人去面对。我为孤单作战落泪。通常这种时候就总是觉得我被上帝遗忘了。不过如果你问我What is so good about 2013? 我会回答，意识到无法回到过去，意识到No one is coming，意识到身边没有依靠，意识到你必须去面对就是祂介入我的生命的时刻。我还是那么顽强地爱着祂、爱着生命！

不要再胡乱作决定，让自己后悔的决定。因为你再也承受不了为你当初错误决定来负责的痛苦。我再也不想为了应付考试背书，这样我和其他没有理想混日子的大学生有何分别？

不要再被你的感觉冲昏了头。

我想把这番话送给2013的我，“年轻时不能光迷恋于爱情。趁着年轻，多出去走走看看。读万卷书，步入行万里路，行万里路，不如阅人无数。”

与其默默等待，我必须先去实现我的梦想，没错，心里那条”忐忑不安“的虫，我要回应它的呼唤：去旅行。这一次，我希望我有骨气，有背负。一定要去争取NZ打工旅行的机会。

what is so good about today?

2013,要养成一个习惯，尽量每天写下What is so good about today?

和Lifesaving的Chicksss和Pokersss们倒数新年后，凌晨两点，我和悦继续留在那里，Saujana Garden。本来只想“拷问”她求证一些事，结果我们俩一直聊到凌晨四点。

天空下起了毛毛雨，寒风吹来，单薄衣服的我们坐在梯级上，冷得毛孔都竖起来了。

不过，，我的心是温暖的。我们“耽搁”了那么久的友谊，累积了那么久没有说的话，终于在这一天，2013的第一天，一一把它理清了。很多被封锁在我心里那个标签“质疑”的盒子，我慢慢把它们掏出来，摊开在你面前。

你说，我们的友谊是无法被取代的。这话，我真的从来没有认真去想过。记忆和一起走过的日子，又怎么可能是别人或是别段记忆够轻易取代的呢？可是，我又何尝不是觉得他已经占据了我原来那个位置而慢慢疏远了呢？

无论如何，我总算对得起我们的关系，我没有把该说的话带进棺木里。

临别前，我们拥抱了，两颗心靠在一起的时候，不容许再有猜疑了吧？

原来，我们都以为，我们不会再谈心了。

祝福你，Survive the new year，因为我没有办法开给你“天天开心”的空头支票。

                                                 

                                                 
我也会有做对的事的时候~~ =）

圣诞夜

人永遠是寂寞而自我的生物，

無論多麼真誠的說出自己，也總會有無法被理解的心情。


───張愛玲

───New York紐約



-copied from facebook-

Miss the wavy way you are!!!

Oh,I seriously miss my wavy hair.it's like I'm still more familiar with them.anyway,straighten hair do give me lots of convenient.

Oh hair,I promise that I will take care of you more.=)

rising sun, again

I saw the "sunrise" again,on the way of 10km run=)

Everyone run on their own pace,you don't need to have anyone to accompany you all the time. You overtake the crowds, because you know your target. You keep on running, but then you know when to stop. You know the best that you don't want to miss it, the rising sun. Everyone got to finish the journey,but you just need to care about your own steps.

and you know that you have tried your best, no regrets.

p.s : i got the money ^^V          
yea!DSLR soon!!!

Mommy's girl 的生日

今天是我的生日，我故意把它从面子书的右上角藏起来，一来我厌倦了“应酬式”的祝福语（因为我已经懒得去祝福每个人）。二来，我只想度过平凡又温馨的生日。

这两年，我都特别想和家人庆祝这个象征成长的日子，所以我都会跑回家。

我今年二十二岁了。真的也不小了。可是我依然像个小女孩那样，非要从家里得到长大一岁的养分。

也许我就是那么的坚持吧！家人的祝福对我而言才是最重要的。

这是妈妈为我做的蛋糕（是蒸，不是烘焙，哈哈）。算是提早为我庆祝。

其实我真的很感动。没有蜡烛，没有生日歌。不过这是妈妈忙着照顾失禁的婆婆之余还坚持给我做的生日蛋糕。里面是湿巧克力，上面铺上一层白色巧克力，简单的点缀是我们一起弄的。=）

哥哥说不太好吃，只有我吃得津津有味，因为我知道那是妈满满的祝福。

大学的朋友也有为我庆祝生日，不过那时给四位九月寿星办的大型庆生会，熟悉的、陌生的同学都来了。不是说不感恩啦，可是那不是专属我的生日会。

明天宿舍里的女生们也办一个秘密庆祝会（呃...既然我也知道了，就不算秘密吧！）也不是为了我而办的。

所以嘛...我是很难服伺的。我依然很感激有诚意祝福我的人，不过我不会勉强人逗我的欢心。

说到家人，我觉得我有一个世上最爱我的妈妈,那天我打电话回家要求说我想吃燕菜糕。结果当我回到家打开冰箱不但看见两大盘的燕菜，还有我爱吃的Kek Batik。

我也给了妈妈400令吉，我知道亲情不是用金钱来衡量，不过这是我对妈妈的的小小心意。（也提醒我自己不可以把赚回来的钱乱花 >.<）。

祝我生日快乐。